Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Why I almost ate a whole pound of M&M's

When I was younger, probably 10 or so, I was told that sitting down with a carton of ice cream and eating the WHOLE thing will cure depression. I tried it once.. it does help.

I knew it would come. I was expecting it. I was prepared for it. But that doesn't mean I have to like it. I'm having some post-transplant depression. Not the "I can't go on living", "my life has no meaning", "I'm so miserable I can't get out of bed" depression. I just have the flat affect, blah depression. It happened after my lung transplant too. As a nurse in the post cardiac surgery unit years ago, I would talk to my patients about the possibility of depression after they got home and were feeling better. Everyone always wondered why the depression came AFTER they were better instead of before. I'm still not sure of the reasons, but it's a reality for a lot of folks.

I know I'll get better. I am not hopeless by any means, and I don't think I need an anti-depressant to get through this. It's just going to take some time to get back to feeling like myself again. I have everything in the world to be thankful for. I do know that, and that makes me feel a little guilty for having these feelings.

So.... that's why I almost ate a whole pound of M&M's, and took a whole lot of insulin to go with it. :)


Amy said...


Carrie said...

I've never gone through anything quite so dramatic, but I can tell you that I usually react in almost the same manner to nearly everything.

For me, I block out all the icky feelings beforehand as a coping mechanism. Even when I was performing, I'd get nervous after I was done singing.

I also think there is a bit of letdown afterwards. So much adrenaline, anxiety, and fear of the unknown. Then it's all over with and you're left with what??

Relief is always slow to come to me!

I am praying for healing for you!

M&M's and ice cream are good healers! haha

Jason said...

...ssssso you prepared for the depression by stocking up on M&M's?

Aspiemom said...

M&M's are a good choice!

Your wacky husband should be a help when you're feeling blah!

CFlover said...

Between Jason being so funny.. Casey being BEAUTIFUL and M&M's you my dear should be good to go in no time =)
BUT until then you have my xoxox's and prayers =)

Oh yea and the fact that you can eat a pound of M&M's and not gain 7384789 pounds should make you smile also!
Michael can eat a pack of them and I gain weight!
One of the perks of cf =)

Laryssa said...

Ah, I've been there, done that ... many, many times. Obviously, there's no use beating yourself up mentally over it. You're going to get out of this funk and be your old cheerful self again. And we'll all be here for you now and when you're back to "normal". :)

The Smithson Family said...

I usually eat when I feel that way, too! But like CFLover said...I also gain weight just thinking about eating anything fattening!
Hope you feel better soon! :)