Thoughts about transplant #2

I have to admit, I'm not as "eager" to be transplanted this time around. When I got my double lung transplant, I was literally knocking at death's doorstep. The doctors didn't think I would have lived 2 more weeks. I knew it was my only chance for survival, and I was feeling so bad, that I didn't care about being cut in half and being in pain and dealing with recovery and possible complications.

This time, I know that I could live several more years with these kidneys. I would have to be on dialysis, but this isn't really a life or death situation.. at least not yet. I do want to feel better, and gain weight, and have energy, but I'm NOT knocking at death's doorstep. There is something to be said about getting all of the use out of your old organs before getting new. My docs don't want me to get to the point I did for my lung transplant. They don't want me close to death before they give me a new kidney. I'm thankful for that. Really. And patients with new kidneys tend to do better if they have never been on dialysis.

Having said all that, I'm still a little scared this time around. The first time I was too sick to be scared. I knew that getting lungs was what I had to do to be here for my daughter. Even though this surgery is going to be much easier than my lung transplant, it still scares me, because I am making a choice.. I am choosing to go ahead with it when I still have some life left in my old ones.

I know God is with me, and that He has brought me through so much. I know it's better to be transplanted when I'm healthier than I was the last time. I pray for the peace I had last time.