Monday, November 3, 2008

Thoughts about transplant #2

I have to admit, I'm not as "eager" to be transplanted this time around. When I got my double lung transplant, I was literally knocking at death's doorstep. The doctors didn't think I would have lived 2 more weeks. I knew it was my only chance for survival, and I was feeling so bad, that I didn't care about being cut in half and being in pain and dealing with recovery and possible complications.

This time, I know that I could live several more years with these kidneys. I would have to be on dialysis, but this isn't really a life or death situation.. at least not yet. I do want to feel better, and gain weight, and have energy, but I'm NOT knocking at death's doorstep. There is something to be said about getting all of the use out of your old organs before getting new. My docs don't want me to get to the point I did for my lung transplant. They don't want me close to death before they give me a new kidney. I'm thankful for that. Really. And patients with new kidneys tend to do better if they have never been on dialysis.

Having said all that, I'm still a little scared this time around. The first time I was too sick to be scared. I knew that getting lungs was what I had to do to be here for my daughter. Even though this surgery is going to be much easier than my lung transplant, it still scares me, because I am making a choice.. I am choosing to go ahead with it when I still have some life left in my old ones.

I know God is with me, and that He has brought me through so much. I know it's better to be transplanted when I'm healthier than I was the last time. I pray for the peace I had last time.


10 comments:

OceanDesert said...

Hi Christy! I know what you mean.. I wasn't "at death's door" before my lung tx, but I was definitely in need of new lungs and the timing was so perfect, I knew it was meant to be... I think it's wonderful that you won't need to go thru dialysis.. I will be thinking about you as you go thru this! Hugs!

Katey said...

Hey Christy...I can relate to what you mean. For my lung tx, I was literally at death's doorstep, not supposed to live through the night. And because I was so sick and so "doped" up on pain meds, and eventually ventilated a few days prior, I didn't have time to be scared, worried or any of that. Like you said, I knew I had to have it to live, period. I think if I had to go through it again, I would be a nervous wreck. But I agree with not waiting to late so you can go into the transplant as "healthy" as possible. I'll be praying for you, and I know God will get you through this.

Alicia said...

I really appreciate your honesty. Thanks for sharing your heart. Your feelings are really understandable, and I'll be praying for you through this process.

Laryssa said...

Keep your faith in God and everything will turn out right. He is in control of this and will lead the doctors' hands. You'll be in my prayers.

Heidi said...

You are going to do great! I don't blame you for being scared. I would be scared to death. I think all of us post-tx'rs know that at some point we might need another transplant...either lung, kidney, etc. We will be praying for you, and hoping that it is smooth and as pain-controlled as possible. Hang in there!

Aimee said...

I don't blame you for being scared. If you weren't scared or nervous that's when I would start to worry! haha

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts!

Christy said...

Thanks guys for the thoughts and prayers!! :)

Debbie said...

Thanks for sharing & being so honest. I can't imagine all that you have gone through. You are a great example to all, but especially your daughter. I am sure she is learning many things from you including courage & the will to fight for life. Keep looking to the Lord. I'll be praying for you.

Kristin said...

Christy, I just found your blog again and I want you to know that I will be praying for you on Monday! May God give you strength for the surgery so that you can continue "normal" life as a mom and a wife!

Leah said...

Christy,
I love your honesty. I completely understand how you feel and the only thing I can say is to remind you that you will be living with much more quality of life once you have your kidney transplant. Just think of all the family outings you'll be able to do w/out feeling awful! :) You have always been an inspiration to me. I can't wait to hear how great you're feeling after your recovery.
Much love and prayers sent your way!